Mind-Boggling Review #02: Death Note

***NOTE: It is not to be taken seriously. The reviews (at least this one) are done just 4 trollz n lulz. Also, this is meant to be “You Know What's Bullshit” parody, so expect some coarse language***

Mind-Boggling Review #02:

Death Note

People already know the power this object holds, and that any power comes with a price. And the price of this abomination is being a holder of an object with a bunch of flaws.

The first flaw that catches the eye is the color. I know that you do not judge a book by its cover, but why of all the colors it has to be black? Why not pink, or yellow, or Batman-style? And do not try making excuses: The notebook was painted black with some unindetifiable fluid according to Death Note episode where agents get the damn godforsaken piece of shit and start staring at its physical properties. Or was it the ink? Nevermind.

Second, how long does it takes to kill a person? Several precise cuts with a knife, less than a second with a headshot from a sniper rifle, instantly with a conviniently placed stick of TNT, and how long does the notebook take? 40 seconds. And then it gives the person a heart attack. Considering that you're surrounded by humans, you need to be more original to stay non-suspicious. So that's another six minutes just for adding a few more options.

Plus, you have to know the name and the face of each and every single one of those two-legged bastards. That ought to be enough to prevent you from trying to use the fucking thing as self-defence item when you run into “Michael Johnson and the Dancing Amish farmers from Outer Space” crapcore band that's super-popular somewhere between Atlantis and Canada. I tried. Right after some bespectacled clown with a crowbar fucked up my homeland. Then another fatass on a giant robot with its head replaced by a car just happened to come by and destroy Crystal Empire and some of its surroundings. Along with my reincarnation. And then I came back as a human in the same land, where I just happened to find some humans, who later threw me into a closet and sank the ship in the sea that formed in a few seconds of what Tay Zonday was once singing about. And when I have reincarnated as a human, AGAIN, after the band incident, I look at things and write crap about it. Funny, huh?

But let's get back to the Note. So far, with all of its flaws, you think you're done now? Well fuck no!

Along with this worthless piece of crap, I have to tolerate some death angel who claims to be its past owner. What an asshole. The guy just keeps nagging you all the time, while eating all of your apples. And on top of it, you can't kill him. Not even the notebook takes him down.

So bottom line: Death Note is bullshit.